He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
