So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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