Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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