david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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