And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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