hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
