FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
