you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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