it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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