I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
