Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just cropdusted the office
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
