Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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