quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
