i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
