So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
