i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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