I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
