Already got asked if we're dating
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
