Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
