I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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