you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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