you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
