Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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