you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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