I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
