Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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