He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
