hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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