I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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