thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
