If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
