ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
