im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
