sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
