ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
