She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
