I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
