Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
