Christians are straight up FREAKS
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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