evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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