I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
