Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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