In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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