I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
