she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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