I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
