Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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