Non-Jews are for practice
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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