My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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