he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
being pregnant is like rehab
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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