The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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