i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As shirtless as possible
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
