8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
