Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
