dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
