my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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