just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
