I haven't been this sober since birth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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