She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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