there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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