I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
