Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
