I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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