so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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