I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
