lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
