What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
