every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
