so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.