I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
