clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
