I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
