Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
