my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
