the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
