Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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