he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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