You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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